Day one

Day one of the journey:

I did it - I skipped lunch with the ladies and I went for a 30 minute walk.  Nike says I walk faster than I run... sadly that might be true but I have never set the goal to be a fast runner - just a fit runner.  So no one in my office melted, died or even made a fuss over my absence at the lunch table.  I have found 30 minutes that I can workout!!!!  I joined Nutrisystem to get on track for the wedding.  I do not fundamentally agree with this program - lots of processed food but I need to start somewhere and the mindlessness of this program is just what I need.  After the wedding I will get on track with healthy eating.  

The food was not bad in day one but i did find I was pretty grumpy at the end of the night - poor Brian.  

I am struggling with how bad I really look.  When I saw my engagement pictures I cried... a lot.  I am sad that this body will be documented in my wedding pictures.  I want to be beautiful for Brian on that magical day and right now - I just don't see that.  We had two pool parties over the holiday weekend and I was embarrassed to put on a bathing suit.  

I used to be the girl that people made fun of for being so skinny.  Now I'm the girl I hate for being so fat - I can't win.